Saturday, February 4, 2012

If you can read this, thank a service member for the freedom to do so!

My "Virginia Beach Best Friend", Liz, posted today on her blog about her feelings of being "left behind" as a military wife.  It got me thinking about how I feel about my own struggles as a Navy wife.  This upcoming deployment won't be my first try, but I am  by no means a professional at being a "single" mom.
Our last night with Daddy.
Last year, I had a job and Lucas was barely mobile.  The six months went by pretty quick.  The worst part for me was feeling guilty about getting to see Lucas do so many exciting new things, while Dan was missing out.  Sure, I sent him tons of pics and wrote to him everyday about what was going on.  But a picture or email could never convey the awesomeness of seeing your child figure out how to roll over, crawl, and even use a straw.  Those are things that most people take for granted as parents, but those are things that Dan will never know of his first born.  Can you imagine missing out on 6 months of your child's first year?  Or even worse, missing the birth of your child as some military men do?  Not from being a dead-beat dad, but from serving your country and providing for your family? I couldn't do it.
Last deployment's cruise book picture of Dan
This deployment, Dan will leave a happy, energetic 17 month old and return to a cranky,energetic two year old.  Lucas says a few words already, but will become much more vocal in the coming months.  Dan won't be here to help me discipline and figure out what works for us.  He will have to learn how to handle a child who is making decisions on how he acts, not just a baby that doesn't know any better. I will have to be good cop and bad cop while hoping I make the best choices for both myself and Dan.  I need to make sure to not take anything for granted, so I can share all the little things with the daddy on the other side of the world.

Homecoming 2011, father and son reunited!
Last deployment, I let myself gain 50 pounds of fat.  I felt sorry for myself, and was overwhelmed with being alone. I have come to realize that I am not alone.  I have a loving family who cares even from 1000 miles away.  I have friends who understand being left behind.  I have an amazing son who keeps me on my toes.  I also have a husband who is strong enough to comfort me, even though deployment is harder on him. 

So, this deployment is for him.  I want to be the strong one for him so he can focus on his job and not worry about us.  I WILL lose weight, not because he thinks I'm fat, but because he deserves a healthy wife.  He deserves a wife that can keep up with housework and Lucas.  I know he will never, ever say otherwise, but he deserves a wife that looks as good as he makes me feel.  I want him to be proud of me, just as I am of him.  I am doing this for me and him, just as I do whenever he is gone. 
Love my family, not my ass!


  1. I wish I could put a hug into a comment! I got all teary-eyed there at the end, and I'm inspired by you! Here's to the Enterprise's LAST DEPLOYMENT!

  2. I just wanna say, you pretty much just made me cry. Possibly half due to horomones, but very well written and pretty much put in words what many of us can't. We will all be going thru this together (even tho Toby's is a lil off from Dan's) and if you ever need anything, please know I'm here. Love ya chica... Here's to the men in our lives that make everything that much better, even when they aren't here.

  3. I almost cried! ~leslie